Eat Like a Local

Picture, if you will (just fucking do it), the super fluffy, neon, Day Glow colored, stacked 10 miles high gelato stands on the perimeters of famous European churches, river fronts, or central squares. Gelato is supposed to be, uh, ~frozen~, so you should be concerned if the gelato you’re looking at is stacked so high without melting. Also, they just keep adding that stuff on top to make it look worth of an Instagram post, but you’re actually served the old stuff at the bottom. Its genuinely full of weird chemicals to prevent it from melting and tastes like cold butt fungus.

Certain things you can’t help, maybe depending on where you are the tourist area where the restaurants are is actually the only safe place for you to be, but do not sell yourself short by eating around tourist traps if you have a choice. The food is not authentic, its just what they think you want it to be. Its some Matrix level shit.

If you can do a food tour: fucking gooooo. Food tours are usually really small and lead either by locals or people who have lived in the city/country for several years. They will show you how to get to the best areas for the local specialties, what the locals specialties are, and teach you how to spot authenticity. In order to eat like a local, you need to make an effort to talk to one. If I haven’t gone on a food tour, I will always talk the ear off of my waiter asking him or her about the menu.

One of the greatest things I ever learned from a local was that “Alfredo” anything in Italy is not authentic, because chicken Alfredo or Alfredo pasta is not an Italian dish. Places that served Alfredo were not to be trusted.

You can also be frank with your guide and ask them anything outside of food, like where the best live music is or whether or not your cab driver on the way here ripped you off, and they will always have the answer. They’ll teach you about food you’ve never heard of and put piles of pastries in front of you to aid in the ~learning process~. I have never been on a food tour I didn’t like. They are usually in the $60-100 range but that includes almost three meals worth of food and a historical walking tour of wherever you are. One time our food guide told a restaurant owner that my husband and I had just gotten engaged (uhhh, false) so we got a free bottle of prosecco. So what I’m saying is food guides got your back.

At the end of the day, you need to go off the beaten paths and away from the main tourist routes to find the places that are popular for a good reason. A friend of mine made fun of me for this once because, “Andrea you’re a fucking tourist by definition” so what’s the point in trying not to be one? The FOOD my dear Watson. The greatest restaurants I have ever eaten in abroad have been the sizes of small studio apartments with 200 year old ceilings and menus written on cardboard.

In the very least, these places have the kind of edgy, uncommercialized, authentic aesthetic you’re looking for in your Instagram posts.

Now fucking, goooo.