“Take it from someone with experience, if you’re going to mind the advice of Andrea and “F**king gooo” travel blog then you best be prepared for some unusual, at times life changing shit to go down. Wild ride from start to finish, this is the story of what happened when I just fucking went (fuck those asterisks too, we’re all adults here)
I suppose this whole thing started in April of 2014. Andrea decided it would be cool to introduce me to a close friend of hers who wasn’t a total fucktart. We will refer to him as The Fonzmasterfex, however fucktarty that name sounds. But there was a little problem. The Fonzmaster* (asterisks are going to be used for footnotes now, have you never read a book, miscreant?) lived in Germany and I did not. Oh well, or YOLO as the kids were saying at the time, I went on talking to The Fonzmaster and after about two weeks of good conversation I was really into this guy. And then BAM. I was sitting in class minding my own god damn business, and The Fonzmaster says something to the affect of “come to Germany and spend some time with me.” I was freaking out but Andrea was in on the whole thing, obviously feeding the fire. It was all insane. I barely knew the guy, despite trusting Andrea’s judgment (again, this was a close friend of hers. I wasn’t walking into a ‘Taken’ situation here), no one would approve of me flying across the ocean to meet a stranger, and did I mention that it was completely insane? But spoiler alert, I fucking went.
I made up this elaborate story about going to Maine and then I boarded a plane to Frankfurt. I was nervous as shit but I’m so happy I did. During those ten days The Fonzmaster and I saw some cool castles in Heidelburg, had awesome food and even better beer in Weisbaden, got drunk with new friends, went to a zoo in Cologne, and then we got all fancy and went to a ball at a place too beautiful for words call the Kurhaus. Just don’t ask me which days we did what. The beers are ginormous and I am not a big person. After ten days, I returned home, fond of this new country and even more fond of this new person who turned out to not be murderer. Go Andrea, amirite?
Germany was never among the countries I wanted to visit. Under any other circumstance, I probably would never had thought to even set foot in the place. But Andrea was there and she told me to fucking go. Two years later I was married (!!!) to said Fonzmaster and living in the gorgeous city of Wiesbaden, happy as can be. I guess the point here is this: go. You never know what may happen, who you will meet, fall in love with and adopt a dumpster cat*** with.”
*I’ve shortened The Fonzmasterflex to The Fonzmaster. I realize that “flex” is not what makes the name sound douchey. Thats his DJ name. And no, he is not a DJ. I already said he isn’t a fucktart.
**How are we ever going to explain to our future offspring, whatever species they may be, that stranger danger is real? We really fucked ourselves over on that one.
***We found our little bundle of joy in a dumpster (there’s a sentence you don’t see often). Having spent what we think was a significant amount of time with filth has made her a very grateful kitty. 10/10 would recommend adopting trash cat.